11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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