I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
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She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
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Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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