Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
