found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
