Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
