God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
