My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
