did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
