i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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