Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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