I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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