Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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