I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
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I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
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I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/