Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME