you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
