craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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