and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's never too late to be topless.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary