He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea