I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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