Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My cat gives me a boner
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
