I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
