Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
