Did you just see the Batmobile???
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
