i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
