Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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