Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
