goodnight i made you a song goodbye
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
