Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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