Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
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he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
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well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize