My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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