Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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