wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
