We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
