and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
