apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
