i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
