I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
