i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
