You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
