my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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