Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
