I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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