i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
