literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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