You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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