Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
