why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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