you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
