My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I FOUND THE LEGS
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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