All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
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Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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