WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
