it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
