i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You're like the curious george of whores
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
