I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Non-Jews are for practice
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
please don't ironically join a cult
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