You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
