I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
