Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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