I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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