I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
