Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
