WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
