I got chris browned last night
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
