found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
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How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
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I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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