Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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