he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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