What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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