chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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