Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
